Hey all... maybe you can help me out a little.....
I have this friend, and we became really close over the years, like we used to talk ALL the time, hang out and what not.. Nowadays I know that she is busy, and so am I but when i try to make a day to chill with her she is too busy, or sometimes I call her and she's like half into the conversation (I think shes too involved in chatting). I know her parents are really strict so she has to lie alot to go out... But she tells me she goes out with this one guy that shes into once in a while ( I think its alot more though).. and thats cool with me b/c I practically live with my boyfriend, so I am with him alot, but I asked her to double date but she comes up w/ so many excuses... I have actually talked to her about this situation before and she says she is really busy and that, she is always tired, and that I dont understand.. but I do .. i just ask her to hang out for a coffee at least? Even for like half hour.. and I get NOTHING! Yet.... the funny thing is , is that she'll still go off and call me her best friend?????? I just dont get it?? I just dont know what to do? I dont know why shes like this?

sounds like a sticky situation to me, in your stuck in between something stupid.. um, i think you should probably confront her again about every little detail thats bugged you such as the reason to why she IS still calling you a best friend yet not treating you like one and taking the time to spend with you even if it is just the small things.. perhaps having a new guy has changed her completely ? sometimes that happens to people sadly..

^ How old is she? Maybe she's really attached to this new guy and wants to spend every minute of her time with him.. some people become that way when they're in a new relationship. But we can't really assume anything. If i were you i would just let her be. When she feels like coming around she'll call you, then you can confront her then.

Rawrchie - I agree it is stupid.. and the funny thing is , is that this guy is not that "new" hes been around for a while... and she says they are not even in a "relationship" she just enjoys spending time with him.... which is totally fine with me, its like , dont call me your best friend then if you dont act like one! u know? And I have tried to confront her a few times. At first it was just like a casual joke, like you dont have time for me kind of thing, then it was like , okay well call me when YOURE free, so some sarcasm in there. Then one day i actually said hey listen and I told her all these things... and she jus said shes really busy and I just dont understand...

Bumbley - She is 24 years old.... i've tried to just let her be, and then let her come to me, but its been this way for months... hm.. probably like 6 months now!? and she always says oh I so want to chill with you and your bf so then i try to make a plan and then she just bails out last minute, saying that her parents wont let her go out, but shes 24 years old! I dont get it.

I just dont know what to do..... I feel as if shes lying to me sometimes.... making excuses upon excuses, and you just dont do that to your best friend? And we used to talk alot like on the phone too, but i totally understand that now she enjoys talking to this guy, which is fine, but to chill for a coffee? I usually see her like once every like 2 months now, and the fact that we live like 20 mins drive from eachother, I dont know.. I tried telling her how I feel, and shes like hey I am just really busy you dont understand, then I tell her how i feel shes punking me off or brushing me off by doing this, and shes like I would never do that you're my best friend and this and that..... I just dont know what to do. :(

You know, having dealt w/ other people's relationship problems with a similar issue, I just have to say that no one is ever TOO busy. If they are making it seem that way, then they've got issues. A best friend doesn't make all those excuses and they have to at least show that they're trying. I mean it should be quite obvious whether she's actually making and effort and from what you said it just doesn't seem that way. I mean she has all the time in the world to see this other guy but no time for you?? Gimme a break. Trust your instincts. If she's not willing to give you the time of day then she's not worth it.

I agree, no one is ever TOO busy.... I even know her work schedule and I feel like she has so much time in there.. and being too tired.. is just so lame..... especailly to see a "best friend".. I told her she has all this time to see the other guy and shes like how she hardly sees him... ( I bet its at least once a week).. And i'm not mad about that.. its just once a week phone call doesn't hurt anyone? I make sure I call all my friends at least once a week or so.. no matter how busy I am just to make sure they're okay. I talk to her on msn while I am at work.. b/c "she cant talk on the phone" but sometimes you want to just talk to your bff on the phone or in person and just talk about nothing at all!!! and msn to me, is just not the same....
I think you're right bumbley.. if shes not going to bother to give me the time of day... then why should I bother?...
Its just so unfortunate that we have been bff for a number of years now, and that this is what I get in return....

i know how you feell...COMPLETELY.. i have friends that are always "too busy" too... like one of them would ignore my msgs or calls and then few weeks later she'll respond and act like nothing happened!! if she was my only friend i wouldve died from loneliness years ago.. !! to answer your question "is she a real best friend" ..i would say..no.. =( because best friends need each other.. it goes both ways.. not just 1 side making all the effort trying to make plans every time !

I would have to agree with t2iramisu, she is totally not your best friend, if she was your best friend, she would know the true meaning of a Friend, and not being the way she is now.

I have some friends like that. I try to get them to go out, and talk to them, and it seems like they don't want to chill and it always seems like i'm the one trying to keep in touch, whereas they don't really gives a shit. and that kinda pisses me off. sometimes i'm like fuckit, w/e i'm chill with my other friends who deserves the time better than them.

Yeah I totally agree with you guys. I guess I see it clearer now.. i just dont get why she STILL goes off and calls me her best friend... Sometimes I feel like telling her - dont call me that.. and I mean I do have lots of other friends who actually TRY or they make an effort themselves.. but her being a "best friend" I expected more... like to live up to the name! But you guys are right it seems to be only one sided and it really doesnt work that way.... When she gives me her "excuses" I feel guilty though.. she makes ME feel like i'm not understanding enough as a friend.. but i try by calling her and asking her to even go for coffee so maybe we can talk about things.... but she puts me on this guilt trip! like i am the one who is being the "bad friend" ... ughhhh I hate this!

Some people are all talk. She says you're her bff but no matter how much she says it, if she doesn't show it then she's all talk. Actions speak louder than words. And it looks like her actions show it loud and clear.

I HAVE THE SAMME PROBLEMM!

we used to be so close, but she didnt even tell me she has a boyfriend !
and when i visited her at school she just went on the some other ppl n just talked to them and ignored me like she sees me everyday....she doesnt tell me nuthin no more... WHAT SHOULD I DO, PLZ HELP GUYSS !><..SHE USED TO BE MY BFF....but now...i dont know=/

Hey girl.. okay so since I have made that post alot of things have changed and maybe you can get some advice from my situation.. at first I was really upset.. i mean we were like bff's?? but then after i realized you know what.. shes not worth my time.. and i have been trying to be there, and trying to be a friend, and like she just doesnt make the effort.. and i noticed that a few times since i confronted her about it that she did try to make an effort, but the few times she did try, it just didnt workout b/c we had diff schedules, but the fact that she didnt liek MAKE SURE that we meet up no matter what just made me realize u know what if i'm not worth her time then she shouldnt be worth mine... before regardless of how busy i was , i would literally squeeze in time for her, or meet up w/ my bf later on so i can chill w/ her or i would reschedule my life for her but she cant do the same.. and i mean w/ your friend, if she ignores you like that.. it just shows that i mean she feels that those other ppl are more important to her than you and even a boyfriend.. my view on bff's is that your boyfriend and your bestfriend are like almost head to head, in the sense that you consider both of them sooo close to you... but i dunno w/ my now EX bff, she seems to put this guy in front of me and she lies on top of that.... theres just so much i can take... so since then i just dont contact her i dont call her.. if she contacts me fine.. if i'm around my phone i'll answer , if not then screw it.. and if i'm on msn i'll talk.. if i'm busy i'll tell her.. before i would stop doing work ( i used to talk to her alot on msn at work) and would talk to her.. now i'm like at work busy.. if i wasnt busy i'd talk to her..
the funny thing is now.. i've made two really really good friends, and BETTER friends... and you know , i may have lost a bff but i gained two friends... and i feel tons better now..
i think that you should first try to talk to her about how you feeel about how she is ignoring you and doesnt tell you things anymore... see how that works.. give it a few weeks maybe a month.. if things dont change and she doesnt make an effort you know that shes not worth your time, and you can find better friends...
sometimes i stilll get upset b/c i miss having her as a bff but then i remember all the things that i dont want as a firend, and she was sorta bringing me down anyways.. and these two other firends i made are more like me.. we have the same sort of personalities, and they are always there to talk to , to joke with to hang out with, and we're all sort of alike but in our own ways, and so when it comes to friends, i feel that i gained so much more now..
sorry i wrote sooo much!!!!!!!!!
but seriously talk to her, just you and her alone.. see what she says... sometimes bff's dont really last forever... but sometimes if you move on you may find better friends... ( i know it sounds like a relationsihp like a b/f but it kinda is!! just like you'll always find a better guy, you'll always find a better friend)
tell us how it goes hun!

Sounds like she's looking for excuses not to hang out with you. That's not cool. I would ditch a friend like that.

hi tashabebe, im not sure if you were talking to me..but i think it helped !=] thnxx
you said to talk to my bff about it...but im actually not the kinda who just trys to dig it in...i kinda just let ppl choose their ways><...like it didnt even ask her is she really does have a bf..it just says shes in a relationship on fb=/ what else do you think i can do?
thnx so much(: